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July 2, 2015

Signs He Is a Love Addict

Have you ever been in a relationship where it’s almost as if a guy can’t get enough of you? Maybe it seemed like he blew past the normal point of attraction, and seemed to have something like an addiction to love? Even if you haven’t been in a relationship like this, you can imagine the strain that this could put on the dating experience.

As outrageous as it may sound, addiction-fueled behavior within a relationship can definitely take place. For some people, love can be a lot like a drug – there are even songs about! It can send love addicts through highs and lows, and force them to go overboard in search for another perfect hit of love from their partner. The type of love these people look for is that which is all over pop culture – the “love at first sight, you had me at hello” take on love that doesn’t really exist in reality.  While you might find it a little charming or even a bit romantic at first,  being with a love-addicted man can have a huge effect on whether your relationship works out or not. Here are some signs that can tell you if you just might be in a relationship with a love-addicted guy.

He puts you on an unhealthy pedestal

If you’re looking to be in a healthy, enriching relationship, there needs to be a sense of equality for both people involved. If your man constantly showers you with praise, gifts and more without ever bringing forward any problems he may or may not have with the relationship, it could be a sign that he’s a love addict. By putting you on a pedestal, he’s looking to earn favor with you and be the nice guy that provides anything and everything you want or need so you’ll never want to leave. It’s his way of trying to avoid abandonment or rejection, which is ironic because it tends to lead to just that.

In reality, this method of doing things in a relationship just doesn’t last for long. It becomes hard to remain equals and build the strong foundation for a relationship when the investment in it is almost entirely in one direction – him to you.

He’s very detail-oriented about your relationship and future together

Early on in the relationship, has he planned out exactly how everything is going to go in your relationship for the next couple weeks, months, or in extreme cases, years? Has he already mapped out very specific things that will happen along the way and not want to let things happen as they come? You might just have a love addict on your hands.

Excessive hand wringing over the tiny details in a relationship instead of letting them blossom on their own is a common trait for guys who are love addicts. Having a “plan” for your relationship makes him feel safe and secure because he believes that nothing will be able to surprise him, and you won’t leave him suddenly.  It’s the uncertainty of being in a relationship that may push him to do this, all in an effort to make sure that he can keep the source of his love addiction close by.

He needs to be in a relationship to feel good about himself

If he’s the type of guy who is always in a relationship and describes himself as always being in one as long as he can remember, he may be love-addicted. When guys can’t handle being single for too long, it might hint that they don’t feel right on their own and aren’t self-assured in who they are. They need to be validated by the other person in a relationship to feel good about themselves, which is basically how they get another “hit” of the love drug.

He needs constant contact and pursuit from you to feel secure

If he is in constant contact with you and keeps pursuing you to prove that you care for him, he may be addicted to love. Taking actions like these show that he has attachment anxiety, meaning that he feels you could leave at any moment. He’ll do everything he can to make sure that doesn’t happen, and to avoid thinking those insecure thoughts, he’ll want to get constant assurance from you. Not being able to handle independence within a relationship – whether it’s his or yours – is a huge red flag for identifying love addicts.

He moves way too fast in forming a serious relationship with you

This is a potential flag that your man could be addicted to love, or at the very least has a tendency to smother whoever he’s in a relationship with. If he wants to skip the beginning parts of dating without really getting to know you, it could be a clue that he’s looking for an unreasonable amount of assurance early on that you’ll stay together forever. The main reason for this is that he wants to relieve his anxiety and make sure that there’ll be a source of love in his life that he can rely on – whether you’re ready to play that part or not.

If you’re in a relationship and your man is exhibiting most or all of these flags, you may want to consider where the two of you stand. You may be able to help him grow out of it, but often times, only they can make the change themselves. It’s a matter of personal growth and should be between the man and himself, or the man and a professional therapist that can help him properly sort through his issues. Although you may want to be with him regardless, you can be sure that having a relationship with a guy who is a love addict can be stressful and it may make it harder for you to develop a strong bond built on trust and communication.