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August 8, 2017

3 Simple Secrets To Harmonious Cohabitation

Whether you are newlyweds or you have been together for 30 years, sharing a home is wonderful. It can also have some challenges.

Sure there are the typical issues such as deciding where to live, or how big of a place to get, or even how much to spend.  Beyond those logistical matters, there are decorating choices to make.

And beyond that, is how these decorating choices affect the people living there.

With a little guidance and understanding, you can create a harmonious home for both you and your partner.

Quite often the female of the partnership makes the majority of decisions in planning the wedding and decorating the home; more on that later.

Follow these 3 Secrets to create a harmonious home for both you and your mate.

[Note: Although this article is written in terms of a male/female relationship, the information also  applies to same sex couples.  Please consider the terms “he” and “she” as labels to differentiate between the two partners, rather than an expression of a man and a woman.]

3 Simple Secrets to Harmonious Cohabitation

1. All Present and Accounted For

In a perfect world, you and your partner would fill your new home with brand new furnishings throughout; furnishings that you picked out together.

That rarely if ever happens.

More often than not, both partners have their own separate living space that is fully furnished and they are faced with the task of deciding what stays and what goes.

Oftentimes there is two of everything: two sofas, two beds, two dining room tables, etc.

Some couples eliminate by size, or condition of the item.  Others try to fit everything in.

After all, two sofas mean that they can have twice as many of their friends over on Super Bowl Sunday.

Chances are, however, that everything is not going to fit, and if it does, in a very short time, you may decide it’s just too crowded for comfort.

So how do you decide what stays and what goes?

The method doesn’t really matter; there may even be randomness to the choosing. Frequently the female partner makes those choices, and the male partner lets her.

It’s important for both partners that some of their things remain. It’s very important for a smooth transition into sharing a living space, that each partner has at least one of their own personal items in each room.

Especially if he is gracious enough to let her do most of the choosing of what stays and what goes, she needs to be sure to include at least one item from his former residence in each and every room.

Let me repeat, at least one item of his in every room. This will help him settle in and feel more relaxed in his home. Think of it as the proverbial marking of territory. It gives it a sense of familiarity

Archeologists say that for the first years of their life children look more like their father than their mother. They believe this helps the father bond with the child, and protect their child, because they recognize themselves in their child.

Help your man bond with this new cohabitation and new space by placing some of his favorite things in each room and he’ll make sure you are as happy as can be.

2. Every Voice is Heard

Just because he let you do most of the planning for the wedding and frequently says “whatever makes you happy, Honey,” this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have an opinion.

It likely means that he cares more about you being happy than he cares about having it his way. Think about that. Your happiness makes him happier than getting his way.  How cool is that!

On those perhaps rare occasions when he does voice his opinion, listen to him. Maybe even let him have his way for a change. Giving him this one vote will go a long way toward having a harmonious home.

If you read my previous article, 4 Steps to Improve Your Love Life, reference was made to Yin Yang  representing the interaction and flow between two opposites. That flow between two opposites is exactly what you will experience if you let him have a voice now and then.

If you graciously “let” him keep his version of the When Harry Met Sally wagon wheel table, that will likely encourage him to let you have your way again and again and again.

I’m not suggesting you do this in order to manipulate him into letting you have your way another time. I’m saying that the yin and yang energy flows from one to another.

So be sure that the energy between you and your partner flows in both directions, not just one.

Not only will he feel more relaxed and comfortable in your home, he will feel more relaxed, comfortable, and confident in your relationship and your new cohabitation. And of course, that will be a benefit for both of you!

3. Retreat to Your Neutral Corner

Boxers have their own corner of the ring; football players have their team bench; and children have their own bedroom to retreat to.

You’ll both benefit if you find a way create a neutral area for each of you in your new home; a place where you can go when you need, for whatever reason, some solitude.

Far too often in the homes I see, one or the other couple has their own space, but the other partner does not.

If you were one of several children in the house growing up, and all the siblings shared one bedroom, except for one child, who had their own room, there would be ramifications of that.

It’s important that both partners have a place to call their own. If the home is not large enough for each of you to have an entire room to yourself, don’t worry. You can establish an area in a room, even a chair.

If for example, his bark-a-lounger was spared in step 2 above, then perhaps that could be his retreating place. Perhaps give him free-reign to hang the picture(s) of his choice on the nearest wall.

That creates his man-cave inside the female-controlled home.  And remember, when he retreats to his man-cave, that’s his place for solace.

You will be wise to resist the urge to ask him to take out the garbage, fix the leaky faucet, or tell you if your jeans make you look fat.

It’s especially important that he has a space to call his own if you’ve made the majority of the decorating decisions for the home. And one more suggestion, if he wants to leave the newspaper strewn about his bark-a-lounger, let him.

Of course, you’ll want to create your own neutral corner as well.

That could be the luxurious bathtub, the kitchen, or the chase lounge in the living room that you just had to have. You know the one he didn’t care for but agreed to purchase even though it was outrageously expensive.

If the garage already belongs to him, or the spare bedroom that was converted to his home office (or yours) that satisfies the neutral corner for one partner.

It doesn’t matter what area is the neutral zone, it just matters that there is one for each of you – a place where you can express your individuality.

A special note: if one of you is moving into the other’s already existing household, these 3 secrets are especially important to ensure balance in the relationship and make sure that both partners feel that it is there home.

One couple I worked with had just recently married. It was the second marriage for both of them.

He moved into her home where she had raised her two children and where one of them still lived.

The oldest child, a son, had moved out.

Yet, there was the sense that he was still the man of the house and the new husband was a visitor.

One of the bedrooms was going to be used as the husband’s home office. After a bit of a discussion, he admitted that he felt like it was someone else’s office and they were letting him use it.

With some encouragement, they agreed to do some remodeling of the room.

He actually took a sledgehammer to the closet, expanding the opening, and converted it to a built-in shelving unit for his office equipment, books, and file cabinet.

He chose the paint color and even replaced the flooring. He literally made his mark on the home.

From that moment on he was the man of the house and he felt like it was his castle.

The same is true for a woman moving into her man’s home.

Often she takes over the kitchen or the bathroom, or maybe even the bedroom.

But she needs to make her mark on the home so that she feels she belongs there.

Follow these 3 Simple Secrets and you’ll both settle into your newly shared space, quickly, calmly and harmoniously.

You’ll be well on your way to a harmonious home for two.

About the Author

Helen Arabanos

Helen Arabanos is a Professional Feng Shui Consultant based in Westlake Village, CA, and the author of HE’S INTO YOU…But Is His Home? What a Man’s Feng Shui Can Reveal About Him.

Visit her website www.FullBloomFengShui.com for free Relationship Secrets and more.




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