5 Simple Yet Effective Dating Tips For Women - How To Win a Man's Heart

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June 6, 2017

5 Simple Yet Effective Dating Tips For Women

Tip 1: Be Honest About What You Want

Be honest about what you want in a relationship.

You may have found through your experiences with men and dating that honesty isn’t always at the forefront of the experience.  Some men play games and some women play games, but that’s not the path to love.

I’ve known women who wanted a family but chose men who didn’t.  I’ve known women who pretended that they, too, wanted nothing more than a casual relationship because they were either in love or falling in love with the guy.  These women hoped their partner would change his mind, but their hopes led to heartbreak.

The greatest waste of time is pretending to want something you don’t.  If you are seeing a man who doesn’t want what you want, move on! Losing you might surprise him, and help him to realize what he really wants.  If not, isn’t it better that you moved on before you became too emotionally invested and your heart was broken?

There are plenty of amazing men out there who have the exact same ideas as you about what they want for their future.  Don’t be one of those women who are afraid to admit they want true, consuming, powerful, can’t-live-without-each-other love.  The truth is, it’s something to be proud of.  Now get out there and choose a man who wants exactly that!

Tip 2: Plan Activity Dates

You can’t control what he does on a date, but you can certainly help to plan one that will be hard to mess up.  It’s old fashioned to think that the men are responsible for all the date planning.  If the goal is to enjoy yourself, be happy, and shine, then it makes sense to offer some suggestions.

Pick date activities that are fun for both of you.

True story: My first husband wooed me into dating him by continually inventing fun dates I simply couldn’t say no to.  I had so much fun on them; he fell head over heels in love with me.

Maybe your guy isn’t that inventive.  So help him by making requests or suggestions:

Don’t leave all the date plans up to the man and then pretend to have fun.  He’ll know.

Do make suggestions.  Spare him from guessing what you like.   Simply say, “Know what would really be fun?” Then suggest bowling, skiing, zip-lining, walking in the park, going to a carnival, or any number of other activities you might both enjoy.

Don’t be afraid to try new things.

Do thank him for creating a great date for you, even if he followed your suggestions.

Don’t agree to an activity that you’re not comfortable with just to impress him, like zip-lining if you’re terrified of heights.

Do make the best of an unfamiliar activity, and keep an open mind.  He might help you discover something new that you really like!

Whatever you might believe, fun leads to love.  When men recall the first time they knew they were in love, it’s usually a story about how he was having a blissfully fun time with a woman who was enjoying herself completely.  Love and fun are both so thrilling and addicting; it should be obvious that they are linked.  Fun is the kind of happiness that makes you utterly irresistible.

Tip 3: How He Treats Others is How He’ll Treat You

You may think this is a bold statement and that it might not necessarily be true, but how he treats other people is an excellent indicator of his values and what kind of person he is.  If you’re on a date with a guy who is rude to the waiter, brusque towards the sales clerk or inconsiderate of those around him, you can bet that at least some of these attitudes will be directed at you in the future.

He might show you special consideration at first when you’ve just started seeing each other, but as relationships progress and people get comfortable, you’ll see more of their true tendencies.

So when you find a guy who is polite to the waiter, jokes with the sales clerks and behaves respectfully to those around him, it’s a good indicator that he’ll be a kind and fun partner who will be good to you.  That’s the kind of partner you deserve and that’s the kind of partner that deserves you.

Tip 4: Choose Men Based on Actions, Not Promises

What a man says he’ll do and what he really does are not always the same thing.  This is a similar issue to the one where he describes himself more favorably than he deserves, but there is a difference.  A lot of women find it easier to spot braggers than flaky or dishonest men.  It can be tricky dealing with a guy who says he’s going to do certain things and then doesn’t.  Many men will say they are going to call and then don’t, or list all the amazing things they plan to do with you and then never do them.  So why do women still choose to base their expectations on what he says instead of what he does?

The answer: Belief.  Women want to believe he is going to do what he says, or that he is the honest and reliable person she wants him to be.

You can conjure up many wonderful qualities in your mind about what kind of person he is, but these are illusions unless you see them in action.  If you hang your hopes on them, you’ll be disappointed, or worse, you will have your heart broken.

Conquer this challenge by choosing to learn about him through his actions.  If you don’t know him well in the beginning, don’t fill in the blanks with ideas of qualities you like.  Be patient and learn about him based on what he does and not what he says.

You shouldn’t have to believe he’s a wonderful person.  You should know he is.

Trust what you see with your own eyes, and you’ll suddenly find it so easy to pick men that are clearly, certainly, and undeniably great.

Tip 5: Don’t be blinded by chemistry

You know those times when you meet someone who you’re immediately attracted to? Many women look for life partners based on chemistry or even instant chemistry like we see in the movies.

Here’s our next secret: Long-term fulfillment is not about chemistry.  It’s about compatible beliefs and values.

You may be thinking, “What!? What about love at first sight where you just know right away? I’ve believed in this for so long!”

The truth is that compatibility in your values and beliefs is, by far, the most important foundation for a happy relationship.  It is possible to find compatibility and chemistry, but it is crucial to know that if you pick men based on chemistry alone, you will likely enjoy good dating and sex-life experiences, but be disappointed in the long run.

So above all, choose a man who shares your values and beliefs in life.  Whether you match on a spiritual, political or just plain moral level, you will discover the true meaning of “becoming one” with the love of your life.  That’s the kind of connection that will only grow stronger through the years.

Adapted from Denise Cutley’s book- The Little Book of Dating Secrets and published with the approval of the author.

About the author

Denise Culley

Denise Culley is the author of SoulMate Map and The Little Book of Dating Secrets. She is the founder of Soulmateplan.com, a relationship site dedicated to educating women about love. Her mission is to empower women to see their own worth, raise their standards for how to be loved, and teach them how to “Pick” better partners.

Denise has years of experience as a love educator and coach. She and her husband Emmett started Relationships 123 in 2002, the parent company to SoulMate Plan. Leading “Inspired Relationships” programs, she helped many couples achieve the relationships of their dreams: reconciling marriages on the verge of divorce and helping other couples take their marriage to new levels of happiness.

To know more about Denise, visit her website www.soulmateplan.com.