Are You Smothering Him?- How Smothering Harms a Relationship - How To Win a Man's Heart

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July 2, 2015

Are You Smothering Him?- How Smothering Harms a Relationship

You’ve seen it before – a girl is head over heels for a guy, who likes her (but isn’t quite gaga over her). She dotes on him, constantly asks what he’s up to and generally monitors him 24/7. In time, he decides to end things because he couldn’t get enough space, and she’s left wondering what she did wrong by waiting on his every beck and call. What happened here? It’s pretty obvious – the relationship ran out of air.

Think of a relationship as a living, breathing thing. Like most living things, it needs its fair share of air, and if it gets smothered, well… breathing is a difficult prospect. Smothering from either or both people in a relationship can suffocate the life right out of it. There are a number of ways that smothering hurts a relationship, and they’re broken down below.

It shows you don’t trust a bond to develop naturally

While relationships do require some effort to get started, once they get going they should be allowed to develop naturally. When people smother, it’s a very likely sign that they do not think that the relationship will grow on its own, and that it needs to be forced to life. It goes without saying that this can be a huge turn-off, and put out the spark that started the relationship in the first place.

Within a relationship, there needs to be a spark that keeps the fire going. That spark, made of chemistry and attraction, should develop naturally between the two people involved with a relationship. When someone in a relationship starts smothering, the fire can’t get enough oxygen to keep burning, and will eventually go out. It’s been seen far too often in numerous relationships – you can probably take examples of this from your own life as well!

You may be scaring him off

When smothering begins taking place in any relationship, it sends off warning signals to whoever is being smothered. People in relationships need to be able to breathe and have their space from time to time at the very least. If they can’t get that within a relationship, it’s almost a given that they will leave and get it outside of a relationship.

Does this mean people turn tail and run at the drop of a hat? No, but the earlier on in a relationship you are, the less of a window you’ll have to correct it. The best way to take care of this potential problem is to avoid smothering altogether. If there’s nothing to be scared of, they won’t have a reason to leave.

It turns you into a pest instead of a partner

There is an abundance of ways that smothering happens, and it can make what was supposed to be the fun and enriching experience of dating into something that is a chore (or worse). Constantly checking in on someone, monitoring what they’re doing and trying to be inseparable will begin to grate on your relationship sooner rather than later. It is definitely a way to put a strain on a relationship, and it comes in many forms. One of the most common forms that smothering takes is the classic case of a trigger happy texter.

With cell phones in almost everyone’s hands these days, texting has become a huge part of dating, but not everyone is an avid texter. It happens often enough though that one of the two people in a relationship are heavy texters and the other really isn’t. Once the avid texter gets on a roll with text message after text message, they could give the other person a headache – truly taking them from partner to pest.

It shows you’re insecure about where the relationship is

Insecurity is another harmful quality to have within the confines of a relationship, and smothering reeks of it. When you’re insecure, you begin to over-analyze far too many details of your relationship, and it leads you to do or say irrational things. Again, insecurity is one of the giant red flags that send people running.

As a definite root of smothering, it’s important to avoid insecurity and start trusting your partner to not only be there for you, but to also return that trust back to you.

It shows that you don’t trust your partner at all

If you can’t trust your partner enough to operate independently of you without smothering them, your relationship is going to hit some rocky roads ahead (and they won’t be nearly as sweet as the ice cream). Trust is the foundation of any great and gratifying relationship – without it, you may as well be two strangers or enemies.  Being able to let your partner live their life without constantly being a part of it is key, and helps keep relationships fresh. A bit of mystery and constant intrigue will make sure that there’s something to keep coming back for, and help you start building towards something bigger. Smothering makes all of that vanish, and could do the same to your partner altogether.

Taking all of this in mind, it’s definitely in your best interest to do your best to avoid smothering within a relationship. These detrimental effects will take a harsh toll on your relationship, and possibly even cause it to end once enough becomes enough. Avoid these pitfalls, and you’ll be well on your way to a trusting and fulfilling relationship.

Easier said than done, right – so how do you avoid all of these common relationship pitfalls? Just use open, honest communication and a healthy amount of trust for your partner. Doing this will allow your relationship to breathe and develop naturally, while also giving you a much better chance in building your very own happy ending.




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