Common Red Flags To Watch Out For in a Relationship- Rosalind Sedacca - How To Win a Man's Heart

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Common Red Flags To Watch Out For in a Relationship- Rosalind Sedacca

Interview Summary

Below is the summary of the interview with Rosalind Sedacca, a divorce and parenting coach, as well as a dating and relationship coach on the common red flags to watch out for when you are dating.

Tips Worth Considering to Know Your Partner Well

It’s easy to overlook the red flags when in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, but you’ll be spending the rest of your life with them. For this reason, it’s important to observe them for all the little cues they have. These include:

• See how they handle challenges when they aren’t interacting with you, to get a feel for the different facets of their personality. (E.g. annoyed by family members, in a restaurant).

• Don’t expect to be completed, fixed, or saved by having a partner. No one can fill the void inside of you besides yourself. You’re only setting yourself up for failure from unfair expectations if you think having someone else in your life will fix your inner problems.

• You have to focus on common values and beliefs. While opposites may attract on short term, they rarely work out in the long-term. Opposite views on important things (e.g. children, religion) are going to cause friction that may make the relationship unhealthy.

• Always be your true-self and be up-front about everything. You shouldn’t have to change yourself or hide things from your partner about you. It’s a disservice to yourself, and it won’t work in the long-run.

More Glaring Red Flags

No one wants to be in a bad relationship. But sometimes it happens because you’re with someone giving off glaring red flags, only you weren’t paying attention or ignoring them. Some of these flags to avoid are:

• Anyone who comes on too strong and too quickly. It takes time, more than a few months at the very least, to get to know someone well. Hyper-charismatic people may suck you in, only to transform and reveal a facet of their personality you were unaware of until you’re in too deep to pull away easily.

• Anyone who is excessively possessive or constantly interrogating you about your life. It may seem flattering and that they care about you at first, but behind that façade is the hidden danger. A healthy relationship is one with a partner who doesn’t make you feel guilty, or intimidated, about having your own life and other relationships.

• Anyone who doesn’t take responsibility. When they badmouth others and put them down, rather than taking responsibility for their actions and the consequences, it’s a warning sign. You will be next on the list when something happens, even if they don’t point the finger at you at first. They will never apologize for a problem and they don’t make good parents either.

• Anyone who is hyper-sensitive. If you have to walk on eggshells because you’re afraid to speak your mind, or you have to temper your actions to avoid offending them, it leads to a faulty relationship. A golden relationship is one where the both you and your partner can communicate with one another and work through problems. Handling different perspectives and opinions is a component of what makes the relationship whole.

• Anyone who is cruel to animals or children. Usually people who harm animals have personality disorders that are reflected in serial killers and murders when they were younger. Those who talk down to, and are very strict with, children won’t let them have their childhood, a sign that they aren’t empathic and maybe physically or emotionally abusive.

• Anyone who is selfish during intimate times. If your partner intimidates, manipulates, or forces you into doing something that isn’t in your comfort level during times that should be relaxed or romantic, then they’re ignoring your feelings for the sake of their own comfort. You both should agree on what happens between you, not just one of you.

• Anyone who is consistently critical or moody. Some people only see the faults with things in life and become emotionally abusive, instilling fear and doubt into their partners, as well as debilitating their self-esteem. While this may not be apparent at first, it can show up after the initial phase of the relationship.

• Anyone who makes you feel unsafe. If they are intimidating, threatening, or actually harming you on any level, you should never ignore any warning signs. Passion, chemistry, and charisma may blind you to these signs, but don’t fall for the destructive pattern of fighting and making up consistently.

Attributes of a Great Relationship

Healthy relationships are based on substance, with the partners sharing and growing their relationship. Some of the attributes of a great relationship are:

• You can be yourself. A great relationship is one where there’s no need for you to hide certain parts of yourself out of fear of being ridiculed, put-down, insulted, or hurt.

• You treat one another equally. A great relationship is one of give-and-take between equals, with no one being your better or treating you as such. You may have different areas of expertise, but both have something to contribute.

• You can practice open honesty. It’s not easy, but it’s an important quality of a great relationship that you can be honest without hurting with one another, or agreeing to disagree while respecting one about an issue.

• You have similar values and goals, but respecting the difference. A great relationship is one where you align with your partner on certain core values and principles. No one can see eye-to-eye with another person in everything, but as long as you are comfortable with the difference you do have the relationship is better for it.

• You have to be attracted to each other and comfortable in bed. Both you and your partner should be comfortable with yourselves in an intimate setting, without compromises who you are just because your partner wants to be different.

• You allow time for one another to pursue your own interest, but share the many common interests together. A great relationship is one where you have fun together and most of the time you spend together is happy time. That being said, you and your partner should be allowed to pursue different interests.

• You handle disagreements fairly. A great relationship is one where you and your partner don’t put one another on the defensive for the sake of an argument or manipulate the outcome. There are skills you can learn to use body language as a method of saying that you disagree with something, without being disagreeable.

• You don’t spend most of your time in drama. If the time between you and your partner is spent in despair, it will grate on you with the highs and lows. Stability and inner peace are both great component for a healthier life and a great relationship.

Conclusion

Knowing the warning signs to red flags and understanding the components of a healthy relationship are guidelines to help your relationship flourish. Trust your guts about a potential partner, and don’t ignore when you feel something. Give it deep consideration and keep an eye out.

About Rosalind Sedacca

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Divorce & Parenting Coach and Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents. She’s also the author of the internationally-acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love! This unique ebook doesn’t just tell you what to say, it provides age-appropriate, customizable templates that say it for you!

Rosalind’s newest book, co-authored with her sister, Amy Sherman LMHC, is: 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60! This easy-to-read guide is packed with wisdom for women who are moving on and ready to create a loving, lasting and fulfilling relationship in the years ahead. To know more about Rosalind, visit her website www.womendatingafter40.com.




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