How and Where To Find Men To Date- Rosalind Sedacca - How To Win a Man's Heart

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How and Where To Find Men To Date- Rosalind Sedacca

Interview Summary

Below is the summary of the interview with Rosalind Sedacca, a divorce and parenting coach, as well as a dating and relationship coach on how to meet men for dating.

Things to do before dating

Women tend to feel that they lose value as they age due to the youth-centered culture, but it is important to maintain a high sense of self-esteem. Regardless of their age, there is someone out there for them.

Things to do before dating again include:

• Work on self-confidence. If you don’t have a high sense of self-confidence, you’re likely to enter into a relationship that is disappointing or exploitative.

• Know what you’re looking for in a relationship. Last time you may have settled or made mistakes in the relationship. Take those past experiences and use them to narrow down what you’re looking for in a partner (e.g. same values and good character).

• Prioritize qualities over attractiveness. You may want to find someone who is attractive to you and you have good chemistry, but it only works on the short-term. You need qualities that help maintain a relationship, such as similar expectations of a relationship.

• Don’t carry old baggage from past relationships. If you’re still whining or pining over the past relationship, don’t start a new relationship. It’s not fair to yourself or your new partner.

• Identify negative feelings and work those through. Whether in a group, with a counselor, or coach, you want to learn from you past mistakes so you don’t keep making them. You can’t get different results doing the same thing.

Where to Find Men to Date

So the big question is where to find men to date, especially when you’re middle-aged. Some suggestions are:

• Go where you feel comfortable and excited. Test new venues and find new places to go. Break your typical pattern.

• They don’t need to be places for singles, but something like an adult course for things that interest you. When you meet someone there, you know you have similar interests and even if you meet other women, they know other men.

• Specialty clubs (e.g. hiking club, bowling club, etc.) also have people who have similar interests and can be a good place to meet men.

• Religious programs, if that’s an area that’s important to you. You can meet kindred spirits who you feel comfortable with.

• Bookstores are divided by topics, so if you find someone in a topic that is of interest to you, they may share that interest. You can start asking innocent questions like if they’ve read a certain book or if they know a certain author.

• Cultural events are another place, located in different cities and towns at different times. You can go with girlfriends, but be open to welcoming other people.

• Fundraisers can be a wonderful opportunity to do some good and bump into people doing the same thing.

• Get-to-know-you parties by contacting your single friends and asking them to invite a single friend that they know, so they bring people you don’t know. These are good connections because these are men who have been approved by the women bringing them.

Things to Keep in Mind

Being brave and assertive means putting yourself out in ways you haven’t before, but still being comfortable. Sitting at home and giving up isn’t a good strategy. You need to get out, so you’ll be more likely to bump into people who will be a good match for you. Some other things to keep in mind are:

• Don’t ever tell yourself men are only interested in younger women. There are men who seek younger women, but there are also a lot of men who seek quality partners. They are looking for intelligent and fun women around their own ages.

• You have to develop a sense of expectation. Your mindset makes things a reality, so if you set an expectation that you’ll meet someone great, you’ll be more likely to make that happen.

• You’ll likely meet someone when you’re least expecting it. If you’re outgoing and friendly and participate in things, you’ll be more likely to be noticed. Be open and receptive and have a good attitude.

• Look and feel your best. You don’t have to look like a model, but dress comfortably so that you look contemporary. Do a make-over to feel good about yourself and remove a facet of insecurity.

• Watch your negative self-talk. Women often talk down and badger themselves and make themselves feel worth less than they are. While the culture is youth-centered, a majority of the population is old and aging, so there are a lot of people out there like you. Honor the wisdom and experience that age has bought you.

When Dating

Some things to keep in mind when dating, even if you don’t think that the person you’re with may be the one who you think will be a perfect match, are:

• Always be gratuitous with the person you’re with. You never know if someone you’re dating or meeting may have someone they know who could be your potential partner. What you say and do will linger.

• Always meet your new date in a casual environment. The location should be safe and the meeting should be spent in a short-interval, where there are people around. This way you remain in your comfort zone and can make a quick escape if you feel it isn’t worth your time.

• Prepare ahead and have conversation topics. Some people are better at talking with new people or making small conversation while others. It’s good to have some questions that you planned ahead to open the door to communication and avoid awkward silence.

• Ask questions on important topics, such as if they have siblings or children or their work. Note their responses and see how they react to get a better feel for their character. You don’t want to be probing, but it gives you a good idea about who they are and what they’re looking for in a relationship.

• Try to find out if they’re ready to date again and if they’ve let go of their past. If you don’t get that information early on, you may be fooled and deceived into things that aren’t constructive to the relationship.

• Be a good listener. Reflect back a little bit of what they say so they know that you’re listening and paying attention. If they dominate the conversation then that’s a red flag that they’re so absorbed about themselves they don’t care about who you are.

Common Mistake Women Make in Relationships

There are certain things that get in the way of a successful relationship. Some of these things include:

• Fairy tale expectations. There are no Prince Charming characters who can sweep you off your feet long-term, even if it seems that way at first. No one can hold all the attributes you want, so have realistic expectations and don’t expect your partner to be perfect.

• Remember he won’t have the same level of sensitivity as your girlfriend. Men and women are different and process things differently. You can’t expect him to talk to you the same way or have the same bond as your girlfriend would.

• Avoid focusing too much on faults and forgetting the positives. After knowing someone for some time you begin to see their faults, and if you become hyper-critical you end up eliminating every partner. No one is flawless and everyone makes mistakes.

• Don’t lose your identity for the sake of a relationship. Women are more likely to give themselves up to fit a relationship. If your partner demands you give up aspects of yourself and your lifestyle then it’s not a good match.

• Maintain the four rights that all women have in a relationship, which are: Think for yourself, feel what you want, know what you want, and say ‘no’ if you want.

• Hold off on sexual intimacy until you feel out the relationship. Once sex enters into the relationship, the wonderful experience and passion tends to take away the perspective of whether or not their partner is a good one.

• Be cautious of online-dating. It’s a good thing, but you need to take your time and trust your instincts when it comes to it.

About Rosalind Sedacca

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Divorce & Parenting Coach and Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents. She’s also the author of the internationally-acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love! This unique ebook doesn’t just tell you what to say, it provides age-appropriate, customizable templates that say it for you!

Rosalind’s newest book, co-authored with her sister, Amy Sherman LMHC, is: 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60! This easy-to-read guide is packed with wisdom for women who are moving on and ready to create a loving, lasting and fulfilling relationship in the years ahead. To know more about Rosalind, visit her website www.womendatingafter40.com.




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