How To Be More Attractive - How To Win a Man's Heart

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June 18, 2015

How To Be More Attractive

# 1. Follow the 5 tips below

Dr. Randi Gunther

This is a multi-dimensional question because of some very important sub-questions. What is attractive to one person may not be to another. What the expectations are of attractiveness at one age may totally change as the stages of life evolve. How a woman feels about herself emanates from her inner being and reflects differently to others. Whatever social group she is currently in has already set the values for marketability within that group and whatever she has to offer will be at the mercy of those standards. And each of these variables intertwines and reflects on the other.

For instance, ask yourself what you would find the most attractive in an aspiring college student and how that might be different in what you would value in a new mother. If you’re in the corporate world, what are the expectations of that environment that would place one woman’s value over the next? Is a middle-aged single woman evaluated by the same criteria as a sixty-year-old CEO of a large company? How about a hard-working woman in a service job who has to work long hours just to keep her family together?

Yes, here are certain criteria, set by society’s current social standards for every niche. Some are very different but some are strikingly the same. Attractive external packages, physical health, rich experiences to share, an engaging personality, and multiple options for exploration of new possibilities, and the self-confidence to capitalize on those attributes.

Sadly, some of the resources needed for every one of these variables are not as available to some as to others. The advantages of expensive packaging, gym memberships, time for self-improvement, nutritious food, and social support will enhance any woman if she is lucky enough to have access to them. With limited resources and support, it is a greater challenge for many to achieve what might be their maximum marketability were they to be able to have access to those options.

In the midst of this somewhat daunting situation, there is some good news. In my forty plus years of working with individuals, couples, and families, I have noticed a number of attitudes and behaviors that just seem like universal magnets that attract people in almost all situations. I’ve seen them in six-year-olds and in wizened seniors. Yes, they are limited by the opportunities they have to express them, but they stand out nevertheless, wherever they are witnessed.

Here are some tips.

1. There is hardly anyone who doesn’t find someone attractive when he or she feels valuable on the other end of them. After presenting yourself as the most desirable person you can be, focusing on what is attractive in the person you’re facing gives off a genuine interest, curiosity, and welcoming in what is desirable in that other person. Can you remember in your life coming away from an interaction with someone feeling great about yourself? Someone “got” you and loved what they saw. You might not feel “chemistry,” but you will certainly feel a kind of affection, comfort, and value on the other end of him or her.

2. If you are likely to be evaluated for your initial “presentation,” make sure you are rested, not under stress, and have something to look forward to after that challenge. It’s always more fun to take part in a job interview, when it’s not your only one. Being in the process of exploring options is always more attractive than focusing in on what you think is your only one. You still need to be fully present wherever you are, but you might just be visiting on your way to something better.

3. Rhythm. Rocking with life is always attractive. That means you don’t ever appear in a hurry, anxious to get something over with or frustrated with a situation you haven’t yet been able to resolve. It’s like you have a song in your heart and a cadence that is infectious. Your responses are appropriately timed and you know how to adjust your steps so that they meet another’s.

4. Fill up as much as you can before you put yourself out there. Hunger, whether emotional, physical, or spiritual, is often felt by others as obligation to feed. Eat a little something before you go out to dinner. Talk to people who truly value you before you expose yourself to someone who may not as much. Pamper those parts of you that seem sad or incomplete. Think about the things about yourself, your life, the people you love, and the blessings you already have, so that you come across filled up and already in love with life. The smile that emanates from people who are genuinely content is the most attractive thing that anyone can offer.

5. Twinkle. Mischief is contagious.

A last caveat: Anxiety, depression, conflict, anger, low-frustration tolerance, cynicism, pushiness, urgency, prejudice, and the like are all pre-defeats. You can be the most physically attractive person in the world and you will ultimately drive people away if you are looking for the perfect person to heal your internal sorrow or rescue you from your past heartbreaks, you are going to severely limit the gene pool of potential quality partners.

Dr. Randi Gunther –

# 2. Be happy with yourself

Connie Clancy Fisher

A woman can be attractive on the outside in terms of looks, yet in order for her to really radiate that attractiveness, it has to begin on the inside. How can you tell if someone is radiating from the inside out? She is happy with herself. She knows who she is and carries a level of confidence and competence.

It certainly helps to have this early on in life in one’s development. If a woman’s self-worth begins in her early formative years, chances are, she continues this high level of esteem within her throughout her life. She is able to project this onto others.

On the other hand, if a woman did not have positive experiences when young, while she may be attractive on the outside, she may have some inner work to do. Look in the mirror and find as many positive attributes as you can. Expand on this with being kind to yourself and others. A smile Is certainly to convey one’s attractiveness from within, it’s contagious. Holding your head up high and having poise with self-confidence will help with feeling more attractive.

It’s the little things that we tend to overlook that can make women feel more attractive. Standing tall with your shoulders back (good posture) is an attribute to feeling attractive. Feeling attractive from the inside out is also about feeling good as a whole person; physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Channeling your energy in all of these areas to be the best you can be will be noticeable to others and your confidence will inspire others to be their best.

Connie Clancy Fisher, ED.D. –

# 3. Real beauty comes from a balance of body, mind, spirit; it is contentment

Cynthia Pickett

In this day and age of constant and extreme photo shopping it is very difficult to keep from judging ourselves against a false view of “beauty”. As a whole our society is very superficial. We judge ourselves next to an airbrushed version of the body, we know what we see in magazines and on TV are not real, yet we do it anyway. We also know that real beauty, the kind that all men love, comes from deep within, not a jar of eye cream. So why don’t we use real beauty from deep within as our societal standard? Because it takes hard work!

Real beauty comes from a balance of body, mind, spirit; it is contentment. It is the self-confident radiance that attracts great men. So does that mean if we are insecure we are doomed to be unattractive? Not at all! The inner radiance starts as soon as we begin to set boundaries and take care of ourselves. Now this does not mean you have to go spend your days at an ashram, but do take a few minutes a day to stop and breathe. Create some time consistently to explore your self and start to unlock all the little boxes you have hidden away. Clearing out our emotional baggage automatically creates a sense of peace. Take a few minutes to engage in some sort of prayer and meditation, no matter what your spiritual or religious beliefs are. Take a walk; take the stairs, park away from the storefront door. Being in fresh air is so much better for you then being in a gym!

All of these things just take a few minutes. If we are so busy taking care of everyone else and not taking “me” time, then you are aging quicker than you need to be. Being too busy makes us look haggard and tired, taking “me” time makes us look refreshed and youthful. Make it game with yourself, not a chore, to find ways to cut back, breathe more, move in a non-boot camp kind of way and connect with your spirit. Then, no matter what you physically look like, you will be glowing, radiant and very attractive to all.

Cynthia Pickett, LCSW, LADC –

# 4. Follow the 8 tips below

Amy Sherman

Beauty is much deeper than what you see on the outside and most people are looking for someone who is beautiful on the inside, as well. How can you make yourself more attractive so that men will see the inner beauty that you are?

1. Show your true, charming personality by being pleasant, a good listener, complementary, well versed, yet sincere and confident.

2. In just a few sentences be able to describe a little about yourself without sounding too brazen or showy. This should open up the conversation to more questions and comments and show your partner (or date) how interesting you truly are.

3. Keep an attitude that you deserve to be treated well at all times and that you are not accepting of any behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable. This will prevent you from settling for less than what you absolutely deserve.

4. Play on your strengths. If you have a gorgeous smile, use it. If you are an expert on wines, show your expertise. If you are naturally funny, be witty and playful, but not to the point of being obnoxious.

5. Be interested in the other side of the conversation. Stay engaged because when you are a good listener, you are more attractive.

6. Don’t whine, gossip, express hateful remarks or share strong opinions early on in your relationship. That is a definite turn off and makes you unattractive and petty.

7. Display your confidence by keeping your posture upright even while sitting. A slouched posture or rounded shoulders indicates low self-esteem and insecurity, both very unattractive.

8. Of course, you should always present yourself in the best way possible by being well-groomed, clean, stylish and clothed in flattering age-appropriate attire. If you’re not sure how something looks, you can always ask a trusted friend.

Feeling attractive is a state of mind so start being, acting and showing yourself off as an attractive person worthy of meeting a great guy!

Amy Sherman, M.A., LMHC –

# 5. The key is to have a solid sense of self, built on the knowledge of who you are and what you value

Sally LeBoy

I like the term “attractive”. It doesn’t mean beautiful, wealthy, successful, or athletic, although those attributes can be attractive to some people, “Attractive” means that you are a person who draws people to you. It means that people like to be around you. They feel in some way better in your company.

It feels good to have that affect on people; that external validation feeds our self-esteem. But ironically it’s your internal sense of self that people are generally attracted to. What I mean is that focusing externally on what others might value will generally not make you nearly as attractive as focusing internally on growing your personal sense of self.

Having a strong sense of self results in confidence, and I think confidence is one of the most attractive traits that a person can have. I’m not talking about a flashy pseudo-self that might manifest in bragging or an inflated sense of entitlement. I’m talking about a solid sense of self, built on the knowledge of who you are and what you value. A solid self isn’t influenced by what others think. A solid self is confident enough to take others views into consideration, but will ultimately make and be responsible for her own choices.

Confident people are interesting. They have opinions, are open to others, and generally have a sense of humor (because they don’t take themselves too seriously). They are not threatened, so they tend to be more flexible, less rigid and dogmatic in their views. Confident people are willing to try new things. Perhaps their most attractive trait is the lack of anxiety that comes with really knowing yourself. Confident people are the ones whose cups are usually half full.

At times we are all attracted to superficial qualities, and when you’re in situations where there’s not much opportunity to be known at a deeper level, the pretty girl may have an edge. But that bar or party isn’t life. In life we are attracted to the people who enrich us. Those people are the ones who are solid. They are confident about themselves, interested in life and interested in the people around them. They are the kind of attractive that results from a strong sense of self. That is the kind of attractive that is possible for all of us to attain if we are willing to do the necessary work to grow ourselves up.

Sally LeBoy, MFT –

# 6. The most attractive people in the world are people who love themselves

Becky Bringewatt

They do the things they enjoy doing, and feel good about themselves and their lives. They feel they are accomplishing what they have set out to do. This is attractive to other people.

Think about the people you know, and then think about what draws you to them and when you think they are at their best. Think about what makes you want to spend time with them. The people you enjoy may not even share your interests, but when they talk about the things they are passionate about, you can feel it, and you feel excited for them.

People who generally feel good about themselves and their lives and have plans they are looking forward to each day often encourage you to do the same when you come into contact with them. They smile more than people who are feeling neutral about their lives, and certainly more than people who are dissatisfied.

Think about how you feel when things are generally going well for you. People notice you and smile back at you. Others want to be close to you because they know you have something they want. They feel connected to you.

What do you enjoy doing? How can you do more of it? If you are living your life the way you want to live, or at least building towards that goal, you will find that you are more attractive to others. You have something to contribute because you feel good and you want to share it with everyone else. You glow from the inside out, and others notice that and find it (and you!) ultimately attractive.

Becky Bringewatt, MA, LPC, NCC –

# 7. Attitude is absolutely everything


We all come in different shapes and sizes and that is where our beauty comes from. That we are all unique and different is what makes us stand out. Use that. Do you have a great smile? Are people at ease around you? Are you outgoing and gregarious? Do you have a sense of humor? Those are the things that make us attractive to others. If we feel good about ourselves and value ourselves then we will attract people who value us.

How we carry ourselves is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves inside. We manifest the attitude that comes from within. If we feel low and perceive ourselves as unworthy and undesirable, that is what other people sense from us. No one can validate us as powerfully as we can validate ourselves. It is about exuding power and confidence when we smile or in the way that we carry ourselves that makes us stand out. Smile when you are alone and remind yourself how truly special you are.

When a woman stands in her power, it turns heads. It is amazing to see the attitude that a woman projects when she stands in her power. When a woman smiles and carries herself with confidence and grace, people turn and look. We are lucky as women because we can project strength with femininity. Whether with a friend, a co-worker, or a date, be yourself.

Do not settle for anything less. Appreciate where you are at in your life. Know that you have made it this far and you are stronger and wiser because of it. We are attracted to people who smile and laugh and exude confidence. Your experience is what you bring to the table. Exude confidence in knowing where you have been, who you are and where you are going. Someone who truly values you is going to appreciate who you really are and what you bring to the relationship.

Ileana Hinojosa, MLA, LMFT –

# 8. Being attractive depends on you!


Being attractive depends on what being attractive means to you and how it is best expressed in your life. For some people, that means having their nails done and hair blow dried and their best pair of heels on. Maybe it means for you that you went to yoga and feel centered on the inside. Knowing yourself and knowing what makes you feel the best is going to help give you that idea.

Some suggestions I have on working on feeling more beautiful is to work on it from the inside to out. Start with positive affirmations: “I am beautiful and confident”, “Only beauty knows me”, “I am my most attractive self”, “I am attractive, both inside and out”, and “I am resilient and everything always turns out for me”. Saying positive affirmations will immediately help to make you feel more attractive, resilient and confident. You can also spend time meditating and journaling about each of these topics.

Once you have put time to your inward appearance, it’s time to shift to your outward looks. What makes you look confident? What is your favorite outfit and why? What do you wear that gets the most compliments? What beautification process have you been putting off but will make you feel radiant? It’s time to answer these questions and put a plan of action into place in order to feel your most confident and beautiful self. Being confident, resilient and attractive is about a balance between how you feel about yourself on the inside and out. Do something today to bring greater harmony and balance between those two things and you are on your way to your most beautiful self.

Amanda Patterson, LMHC –

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