How To Break Up With the One You Love - How To Win a Man's Heart

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January 15, 2016

How To Break Up With the One You Love

You’ve given it all you’ve got. You’re tired of the disrespect, lack of being a priority, being used, ignored and/or the emotional, verbal or physical abuse. Your life force is draining out of you and your heart is broken. You spend more time sad and upset than peaceful and happy. Clearly, something has got to change.

You begin to recognize a voice inside of you is screaming for you to leave, but you can’t seem to take the next step.

What’s stopping you? Why are you allowing yourself to stay in something that is clearly not adding value to your life? What belief have you attached to that is not letting you go?

The one thing I know for sure is the answer(s) will be based in fear.

Step One: Locate the Fearful Beliefs

Six years ago I was faced with this exact dilemma. I was dating a man I felt was perfectly suited for me. (At least he was in the beginning) I fell madly in love with him. Over time his interest, attention and respect began to wane. Naturally I tried to bring up the obvious disconnection and distance, but he wanted no part of deep or emotional conversation. He even went as far to say, “You’re too good of a communicator.”

Forgive me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that a good thing?

I tried everything I could to be a “good girlfriend”. I gave him plenty of space and I was happy, fun, sexual and spontaneous. As long as I kept things superficial and “easy”, he was in. The minute I tried to discuss one of my needs, he was out. At one point he even tried to change the status of our relationship from boyfriend-girlfriend to FB’s (friends with benefits). It became quite apparent this relationship was going nowhere.

That realization alone was heart breaking because I truly thought I had found my “lifer”. I knew what I had to do, but I just didn’t know how. I was frozen.

I asked myself the same questions above and I prayed and meditated like crazy for answers. When I was finally quiet enough to hear my hidden fears here is what they said:

This is your last chance at love. You will not get another chance.

You are too old and not attractive anymore. No one will want you.

No one will want a woman who has 3 children.

No one will want a woman who is living with her sick and elderly parents.

You are unsafe without a man. You must keep him no matter what.

It was clear fear was holding me back from taking an empowered step towards my future and each day I stayed, my self-worth and joy plummeted.

Step One: Take an honest inventory of the fears/false beliefs holding you back.

Step Two: Challenge and Reframe Your Fears/False Beliefs

Locating our fears is a fabulous first step, but it’s not over yet, Dear Ones. We must be willing to challenge the legitimacy of those beliefs and find alternate better feeling beliefs that are as true or truer to replace them with.

I immediately set course to challenge each belief that was holding me hostage. I was able to reframe some of them on my own, but I was very attached to others. They felt so real I was having trouble releasing the stranglehold they had on me. So I took it to the only power I know is greater than me…

I asked God/Source/Universe to help me by showing me real life examples opposing each of my fearful thoughts.

Soon thereafter, I saw men falling in love with and marrying women who had five children not just three!

Reframe: There are men out there who will embrace his partner’s multiple children.

I had clients finding their soulmates at 62 years old!

Reframe: Love has no age limit.

I saw men supporting their women through tough life trials like financial strain, troubled children, difficult ex’s or ill parents.

Reframe: There is a man out there who will love me regardless of my life trials.

I was astonished to discover how untrue my fears really were. Additionally, I learned that it was not my undying love for my partner that kept me frozen, but a paralyzing fear of the unknown.

When seeking to reframe our fearful thoughts, we must throw out the belief that freezes us and bring in the belief that frees us! We must be willing to challenge the old, reframe it with truth and adopt the new empowering thought.

Step Two: Challenge your false beliefs. Ask the Universe for help if needed. Believe and adopt your new belief.

Step Three: Be Your Own Advocate

Throughout life we are given situations where we have the choice to stand up for ourselves or diminish our worth and play small for another. Some people can be so good at gas lighting (manipulating us into questioning our own sanity) that we are unsure what is real.

However, we have a choice whether to accept their blame or not by going within and searching our soul for what feels Right and True for us. There is not one person on this planet who can tell you anything that will minimize what your soul is telling you unless you allow them to.

Your soul knows the truth. It does not question your worth nor does it accept the unacceptable. It lives on a plane deeper than the human mind can conceive. It always knows the right way to turn which means if you dig deep enough, you already know the right way to turn.

As Debbie Ford once said, “We have one soul to take care of and we must take care of it.”

The only person truly capable of taking care of you is you.

We must be willing to be our own advocate when something is amiss. We must be willing to do what feels right and true for us no matter what. There is no rule book that says we have to please the world (like we are so used to doing).

We must give ourselves permission to advocate for ourselves when our needs are not being met or we are being treated poorly. And that could very well mean courageously taking ourselves out of an unhealthy situation if so needed.

Step Three: Listen to what your soul is telling you and take the necessary steps to nurture and protect yourself.

– – –

No one enjoys the ending of a relationship. It can be one the most horrifically painful experiences to endure. However, staying in an unhealthy relationship will only eat away at our life force and kill our joy. We end up living a half-life rather than the full-life intended for us.

Dear Ones, it’s important to remember that the end of a relationship is not the end of your life. Contrarily, by choosing to leave a dysfunctional, abusive or disrespectful relationship, you are owning your worth and telling the Universe:

I am worth more than this!

About Kristen Brown

Kristen BrownKristen Brown is an empowerment and spiritual life coach,author and speaker who is highly passionate about facilitating healing in the areas of:  betrayal recovery, self-worth discovery, personal empowerment and reclaiming one’s life. 

Her motto is: Change yourself and you change your world!  To learn more about Kristen or to join her community on Facebook, please reference the sites below.