How To Stop Attracting the Wrong Men and Start Attracting the Right Ones - How To Win a Man's Heart

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August 14, 2014

How To Stop Attracting the Wrong Men and Start Attracting the Right Ones

Q. One of the common problems that our women subscribers face is their tendency to constantly attract the wrong men. For the most part, these are emotionally unavailable men that come in different forms- married men, players, commitment-phobes etc. How can women overcome this problem and what’s the shift that they need to make in order to attract healthy, emotionally available men?

Finding the right mate can be a difficult task, especially if you keep attracting the “wrong” kind of man! The question then becomes “How do I attract the ‘right” man for me?”

As cliche as it may sound you have to start loving yourself first! It’s important to do some self-exploration to figure out why it is you are drawn to these men and what you have been sacrificing to be with them. A lot of times it’s because we don’t value ourselves enough. We see red flags (warning signs) that we try to cover with white paint and pretend aren’t there. Our intuition tells us to run fast in the opposite direction, but another part of us makes excuses about why we should stay. The problem is that the longer we stay the more we are exposed to negativity that may only perpetuate this cycle of dating the wrong guy. Each time we are with a partner that disrespects us in some way we are left feeling worse about ourselves- which only increases the likelihood that we once again will attract the wrong guy.

So part of this is setting limits and learning to say no. Taking better care of yourself and listening to your intuition. If you have past traumas and hurts that you are still hurting from, it is important to heal from these if you really want to move onto something more beautiful. There are many dating books that give advice about “how to play the game” but the message I send is simple and true- be yourself, be true to yourself, honor yourself and make sure you only spend time with people who do the same. Don’t give parts of yourself away because you think that’s what he wants. He will respect you way more if you make choices based on what you want and feel comfortable with. Having a healthy relationship- or finding one- isn’t about pretending to be someone you aren’t because if you choose that path you will most certainly end up in a relationship that really isn’t what you want or need in the long run.

Becoming aware of what it is you want in a relationship and how you want to be treated is really important. I often recommend that my clients create a list of attributes that their perfect mate would have. The list can be as long as you need it to be and please BE PICKY! You also might see this as your personalized order to the Universe. You will be surprised at what life has to bring you. This list also helps to create awareness within you and a way to check yourself if lust and excitement get you carried away from reality. Just check your list and see how he measures up. There should be many qualities on that list that if he doesn’t have it’s a deal breaker. I know this may be tough, especially when your attraction is SO strong, but lets be real…. a relationship shouldn’t be based soley on attraction because after a while the other areas that are lacking become glaring problems in the long run.

Once you have created the list for your dream guy, check out how many of those qualities you have. It’s pretty important for you to work on being the best you can be in a relationship as well- so if you are lacking in some of the areas that are important to you, do what you can to change them. When you truly love yourself and treat yourself with respect you will most certainly invite more of that into your life.

About Elizabeth Cappelletti

Elizabeth Cappelletti

Elizabeth is a  Marriage and Family Therapist, Life Coach, Author and Mental Health Expert. Her passion lies in working with individual adults, children, teens, families and couples. She is the author of Getting it Right: A Guide to Healthy Relationships, Raising Healthy Children and Teenagers, and Creating and Maintaining a Healthy Living Environment.

To know more about her, visit her website