Interview with Amanda Patterson - How To Win a Man's Heart

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November 26, 2014

Interview with Amanda Patterson

1. A common problem that we hear often from our subscribers is a feeling of being inadequate and unworthy especially as they age. Women feel anxious and stressed as they compare their bodies and looks to the younger women and unfortunately believe they aren’t able to attract men into their lives because they aren’t physically attractive. Some of our subscribers confess that they hate their bodies and feel undesirable and unattractive whenever they look in the mirror.

Can you share your advice on what women can do to shift their negative self-talk and how they can be more self-accepting and start loving their bodies?

Loving your body means getting really authentic with your body. It would include standing naked in a full length mirror and really falling in love with your body. Using positive affirmations work; however there needs to be something happening emotionally inside of the body to create the shift, as well. Being in front of the mirror in your most vulnerable state allows for that shift to occur. Looking in the mirror and truly appreciating your curves or blemishes or thick thighs. Each day, sitting in front of that mirror until you feel 100% in love with your body is my recommendation.

2. One of the unfortunate consequences of this negative chatter is the perception that some women attribute to their singlehood to their physical appearance. So the chatter “I hate my body, I hate the way I look’ translates into ‘Well, no wonder I am single because of the way I look’, ‘Men will never be attracted to me’ etc.

One subscriber once wrote to me, “Whenever I go out with friends, I never get approached by men or asked out for a date. That’s not the case with my attractive looking friends. I am not the jealous type but when it happens over and over again, it’s hard not to think men only value physical beauty.’

How can women overcome this mental block and change their thinking to be more open to receiving love?

Recently I came across this idea that there is a difference between being sexy/physically attractive and being beautiful.  We have to face the facts that not everyone is sexy or physically attractive in the traditional sense.  Women have to stop equating being in a relationship with being sexy.  Women can look for examples in their lives where women who are not traditionally sexy are dating and in committed relationships.

Beauty comes from within and when there are those mental blocks, a woman’s natural beauty is going to be blocked.  A woman needs to accept herself as beautiful, step out in the world as if she is beautiful and take the world into her hands by creating the life she wants.

3. Another common problem we hear from our subscribers is the fear of being alone and never finding the right man. This is especially common as women enter into their thirties. They see their friends getting married and even having kids, they are asked by friends and family when they are going to get married and they feel the pressure of a ticking biological clock. In the process, they approach their relationships from a place of fear. worry and anxiety.

Instead of enjoying their dates and conversing with men, they tend to interrogate them so that they can stop wasting their time and weed off the wrong men. They tend to fall too hard and too fast in love when they find a man they like but often that scares men away.

What advice do you have for women who approach relationships from a place of worry and how can they shift from a clingy, desperate vibe to an empowered, joyful zone?

Someone taught me to look at certain situations as though they have already happened, time just needs to catch up to me. When women look at relationships in that way, they can bring down the anxiety feel about not having a relationship or having to sort through a bunch of men. If they can spend time every day envisioning what it looks like that they already have it, and then they can bring it into fruition. Also, to take from a sales tactic, every no brings you closer to a yes. So you really have to learn to be okay that a guy is not for you, because it just means you are one step closer to a yes!

4. Some of our subscribers feel stuck in their love lives because of their past emotional baggage. This affects them in a number of ways- they either tend to compare the next man they are dating with their ex or they have trust issues because they have been cheated on before or they just cannot seem to forget their ex and move on in life. What are some practical ways that can help women release their past emotional baggage so that they can start attracting healthy love into their lives?

Journaling can be a very healing way to release old baggage. A daily journaling practice can help bring closure to past relationships, especially if they can journal specifically about the relationships and then process out their emotions. I also think working with a therapist, life coach or love coach can definitely accelerate the process. Women have a difficult time asking for help and taking care of themselves. Putting time, energy, money and resources into dating and dealing with baggage can only help. Where people put their attention is what grows and putting your attention to healing can help make it grow.

5. Sometimes women who have successful careers feel the exact opposite when it comes to their personal relationships. One of the challenges they mention is struggling to transition from their masculine energy that makes them successful in their workplace to a feminine mode to be more successful in their romantic relationships. Can you share your advice on how women can overcome this problem?

Being a woman in this world today is definitely different than it was in the past. Women are expected to be competitive and ambitious at work and compassionate and caring and giving at home. Women just need to find that balance in both places. You have to learn about the work/life balance in a way that works for you. I found that wearing heels helps me feel powerful yet feminine. At home, women need to look for how to embrace their femininity in ways that works for them. For instance, an ambitious woman might make it a priority to wear businesslike attire during the week and then shift to something more natural or more along the lines of her aura during the weekend. It’s all about balance, while at the same time appreciating all of the sides a woman gets to display.

6. From our subscribers, we often hear “lack of chemistry” as a leading reason why they aren’t willing to go out on a second date with a man even though he seemed to be a decent guy and they were comfortable and treated with respect during the first date. Can you share your thoughts on chemistry- how important is it for a relationship to succeed long term and can chemistry grow over time? Is it worth persisting with a man with whom a woman feels comfortable but doesn’t quite share the chemistry?

Chemistry is important and if it’s not there in there in the first couple of dates that may be a red flag. It depends on some factors. If a woman is guarded or hurt from a past relationship, she might not be open to the opportunity of chemistry. There needs to be a point in a dating situation where you feel butterflies for the other person, if it’s not there then something is missing and it needs to be looked at.

7. Some of our subscribers hesitate to share their honest feelings especially as they are getting to know a man and want to grow the relationship. This hesitation comes from the fear that they may come across as someone too emotional and needy and feel that it may push the man away. So they don’t raise the issues and avoid tough conversations because they want to be the “cool” girl. Here are some examples: she goes out on a date and he says he will call her but he doesn’t. She is disappointed when he doesn’t and doesn’t discuss this when she hears back from him. Other examples are not calling ahead of time when he is running late or not making plans for a date etc.

What advice do you have for women who have issues that they want to discuss with their man but have troubles expressing them because of the fear of coming across as a nag or needy or demanding?

Feel the fear and do it anyways! If you start off a relationship without expressing yourself, you are setting yourself up as a person who will not get their needs met. It is important to develop what your needs are and not look to the other person to fulfill them. Look to the other person to compliment your life and add something to it, as opposed to just trying to complete it. Express your wants and needs in a healthy way and if the other person is not receptive or scared, is this really a relationship you want to be in?

8. Some experts recommend women wait till they get to know the man they are dating and not have sex until you both are committed to exclusivity. Some experts believe you should go with the flow and be spontaneous and not have any rules regarding when you want to sleep with a man. Can you share your thoughts on the right time to have sex?

I believe in exclusivity before having sex. It allows for a natural conversation to occur about your wants and needs. Again it is about getting clear about what you want. Do you want to have sex with someone who is having sex with someone else? If you are okay with that, then no conversation necessary. If you are not, then you need to make that known to the other person, especially to see if you are both compatible and on the same page.

9. In your experience, what are the things that men are looking for in a woman and what makes a woman wife material?

A confident, independent woman who is looking to share a life with a man. A woman who can hold her own, as well as bring something to a relationship. A woman who is willing to meet her significant others needs, while keeping a sense of self. A woman who respects herself and has standards.

10. What are your top 3 relationship tips that you would offer women who are single and looking for a long term committed relationship?

1. Love yourself immensely and completely first

2. Compromise! If you are a woman who has been single for a while, you have learned how to be alone and do things your way. He might not want to go to your parents house every Sunday for dinner and you will have to compromise.

3. Find someone who is willing to work with you. No one is perfect and no relationship is perfect but as long as that person is willing to stick by your side and work things out, then he’s a keeper!

About Amanda Patterson

Amanda Patterson

Amanda Patterson, LMHC, CAP decided to become a therapist while attending Nova Southeastern University. She saw the need to help people achieve the life they wanted to live, while creating a life of her own. She completed her master’s in Mental Health Counseling and started a career in the juvenile justice arena. As soon as she was licensed, she became the Clinical Director of an Intensive Mental Health girls’ program, then moving on to a 154 bed residential boys’ program and finally opening a dual diagnosis boys’ program in Pembroke Pines. She served as the Corporate Clinical Services Director for a residential provider and successfully developed mental health programming throughout the state for them. Amanda is a believer in holistic treatment and she practices veganism, meditation and yoga in her life.

To know more about Amanda, visit her website www.amandapattersonlmhc.com.




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