Interview with Nicole McCance - How To Win a Man's Heart

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November 10, 2014

Interview with Nicole McCance

1. Can you share with my readers and subscribers some of the most common problems your female clients face in their relationships?

“I don’t feel special”

Most women want to feel special and be told that they are beautiful. A lot of my female clients tell me that their partner isn’t attentive enough. She craves him noticing when she gets all dressed up for an outing. She wants him to tell her that he misses her during the day or that he is thinking about her.

“He’s not helpful enough”

My female clients often tell me that they feel that they do all the work around the house and the parenting. They don’t feel like they are a priority and their partner is more concerned about work and the gym, for example.

In general most of my couples fight about 3 things: sex, kids or finances.

2. In your experience, what are the qualities of a woman that make her a man magnet?

A women who is in her feminine energy can become a man magnet. Feminine energy has less to do with gender and more to do with the energetic vibes you are giving off as you go about your life. The feminine is soft, open to receiving, easily lets go and lets things happen, surrendering to what is compared to the masculine which is driven, action oriented and forward focused.

A women who loves herself and is confidence.

A women who is enjoying her life and not postponing her happiness until she is in a relationship.

3. What are some changes and shifts in lifestyle that you would recommend women that are unsuccessful in love make to attract quality men and create fulfilling relationships?

Learn to breathe deep.

Learn to love all of yourself. We always attract a mate who loves us the same amount we love ourselves.

It may be worth seeing a therapist and working on you fear of commitment, fear of getting hurt or fear of rejection. As you work through this fear you will create the space for him to show up.

4. What are the most common mistakes that you see women doing when they are dating and what advice do you have to avoid such mistakes?

One big mistake that I see women making is interrogating their date and not letting it flow naturally.

Women tend to come from a place of fear, wanting all the answers right away so they can decide if he is “the one.” What can happen however is that in the process she makes him feel uncomfortable and her fear gets in the way.

Another big mistake I notice with my female clients is that they are too picky. They make assumptions based on little information and don’t give men a chance. I have seen many clients pass by men who I am sure would have made them quite happy. My advice is to leave your list at home and notice how he makes you feel. If you feel at ease and close to him, give him a chance.

5. One reason women tend to interrogate is because they don’t want to waste time and filter out the wrong men as quickly as possible. Some women tend to rush through the process because they are pressured by a ticking biological clock and are worried that they are running out of time. Would you recommend dating multiple men? Can you share your thoughts on multi-dating?

Dating more then one person at a time is okay for the first few dates as long as you are upfront about this with each of them. The upside of dating multiple men is that if you are in a rush to fall in love (and most women are) your chances increase with numbers.

However, it can be exhausting giving 100% to each guy. As soon as you feel connected to one of them, I highly suggest dating only him. Give him all of your attention and investing in this blooming relationship is worth it if he has potential.

6. You mentioned that women also tend to make the mistake of being too picky. From our subscribers, we often hear “lack of chemistry” as a leading reason why they aren’t willing to go out on a second date with a man even though he seemed to be a decent guy. Can you share your thoughts on chemistry and can attraction grow over time? Is it worth persisting with a man with whom a woman feels comfortable but doesn’t quite share the chemistry?

Chemistry can absolutely grow over time. If you feel at ease when you are around him, give it time. I often suggest going on 3 dates with him, if there is still no chemistry at all, then move on. Just don’t cut him off before 3 dates. As long as you are attracted to him, (even the slightest) the chemistry can develop. Chemistry can fade but research shows that a lasting friendship is most important and will get you through if you are looking for a lifetime partner.

7. Some experts recommend women wait till they get to know the man they are dating and not have sex until you both are committed to exclusivity. Some experts believe you should go with the flow and be spontaneous and not have any rules regarding when you want to sleep with a man. Can you share your thoughts on the right time to have sex?

It’s important to wait until you know him well enough before you have sex. Sex can muddle your mind.

It’s likely that you will feel more attracted and connected to him after sex even if he is not a good fit for you. This is because of the attachment hormone released during orgasm called Oxytocin. To avoid getting prematurely attached, wait and keep your mind clear. Have conversation and get to know each other. If you feel that he has long term potential then there will be lots of time for physical intimacy.

8. One of the most common problems my subscribers face is with men blowing hot and cold. Just when they think their relationship is going great and feel that he might be the one, he pulls away or disappears without any reason leaving the woman frustrated and confused. What advice do you have for women who face this problem?

We learn what love is when we are children. We learn from observing how our parents love each other and how they loved us. It is our subconscious that guides our attraction patterns. I have clients who can walk into a room of a hundred men and magnetically attract the most unavailable ones. If you are attracted to the unavailable man you want to ask yourself if your parents were neglectful in someway. Subconsciously love that is neglectful or unavailable feels familiar to you. Once you heal these childhood wounds you will experience a shift in your love life.

9. In your experience, what are the things that men are looking for in a woman and what makes a woman wife material?

A women who is confident, comfortable in her own skin and who makes room for him in her schedule. A women who is nurturing, kind and who is accepting and understanding.

10. What are your top 3 relationship tips that you would offer women who are single and looking for a long term committed relationship?

1. Focus on self-love. The more you love yourself, you will put up with less and spend more time with people who treat you well.

2. Have faith- that you are exactly where you are suppose to be. Trust that he is coming. Don’t put your life on hold until then. Work on being happy and fulfilled now and the rest will flow.

3. Try not to be too picky. Be open and give men a chance. The man you fall in love with may not have everything on your checklist but could make you really happy and change your life for the best.

11. What books or resources would you recommend for women that are looking to attract the right man and create long lasting fulfilling relationships?

1. The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman
2. Getting the Love you Want by Harville Hendrix
3. The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman

About Nicole McCance

Nicole-McCance

Nominated, RBC Women Entrepreneur of the Year (2011, 2012), Nicole McCance M.A. is a fully licensed Psychologist. Her services are covered under extended health care and she is licensed to diagnose mental disorders. Nicole is also the author of the best-selling book “52 Ways to Beat Depression Naturally.”

She has been a frequent contributor to media outlets such as CP24, CTV News, CTV National, Global TV, CBC News, Rogers, CBC Radio, ABC Spark, the Toronto Star and Canadian Living. She writes a weekly blog, and a weekly wellness column for Eligible Magazine. She is also the Relationship Expert on Season 2 of the Cosmo TV show Love Trap.

To know more about Nicole, visit her website www.nicolemccance.com.




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