Why Do Men Blow Hot and Cold - How To Win a Man's Heart

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July 2, 2015

Why Do Men Blow Hot and Cold

You’re a couple of dates deep with a great new guy, and it seems like he can’t get enough of you – and the same goes for you. All of a sudden, you realize that it’s been a few days since you last heard from him, and he’s being kind of distant when you do try to get in touch. What happened?

It’s a frustrating concept to even just think about. Why would somebody who seemed so into you and had a great spark suddenly decide to cut off most (or in some cases, all) forms of communication and responsiveness? It doesn’t make a ton of sense, but it happens and a lot of times, ladies are on the receiving end.

When it comes to relationships – especially newer ones – things can seem to go from a blazing desert type of hot to an Arctic blizzard style of cold in a matter of days. What is it about men that make them go from hot to cold every now and then, sometimes more? There are a few reasons some men have this thorny tendency.

He’s just not ready for a relationship

It definitely happens – some guys are willing to be there for the fun and excitement of a brand new relationship because there’s always a burning fire that comes along with the beginning throes of one. Over time, as the fun of a relationship begins to come with the responsibility, they may realize they’re not at a point where they can really engage in a relationship and go cold.

This could happen for a number of reasons – usually, they are primarily focused on a different part of their life at the time (like their career).  It’s important to be on the same wavelength when it comes to relationship goal. If you can’t tell where the other half of your relationship feels the relationship is, an easy remedy is a grounded, no-pressure conversation about how the both of you feel the relationship is going.

He’s too immature

He may look like a man on the outside, but there’s a chance he’s an emotionally immature boy on the inside that’s stuck in a high school approach to dating. Some guys love the chase – love it so much that’s all they stick to, by choice. Once he feels that he’s claimed a stake in you, he may go cold from having already “conquered” you and start looking for his next target. He’s only in it to prove that he can do it, and once he felt he’s made a big enough point to stroke his ego, he disappears.

In any case, it’s a good thing that these types of guys go cold – not only are they jerks,  but being part of a relationship with someone this short-sighted and immature won’t work out for anyone involved. Leggo of his ego, and drop him like a bad habit. You deserve better than a schmo like these guys.

He’s unsure of where to go next   

Sometimes, guys do need a bit of guidance. By and large, they’re not as emotionally open or reactive as girls tend to be, and usually look for more obvious cues than gals do. In some cases, he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. If you don’t let him know, whether through your words or actions, that the status quo is not okay, he could continue to do it since he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong.

Does this mean you should have to spell everything out for him? Of course not – where’s the fun in that?!

Just don’t take it too hard when he doesn’t immediately pick up on cues and perhaps give him a nudge or two towards the right answer. He may not be going cold on you purposely – he’s just a little thick and unsure of how to move forward in your budding relationship.

He’s feeling a little insecure

This is a weird little pocket to be in during a relationship. Your guy is keeping you in his book of great girls, so to speak, but is not ready to commit to a full relationship with you alone. Whether that’s because he’s still immature for a reason (such as ones above) or because he’s just not ready to commit, it causes the insecurity that makes him go hot and cold at random times.

He doesn’t know that he himself is ready for the next step in a relationship, and prefers to continue along at the status quo, knowing that he can handle what’s currently on his plate. His hot and cold approach to the relationship helps him make sure that it never develops into something more that he might not be able to handle.

If you really want to pursue this relationship, the best thing to do is to communicate your feelings with him in a calm and collected manner. If you are in a hot and cold relationship, it’s on you to let him know that the current situation is not okay and to find out if you have the same goals for your relationship.

No relationship can be exactly by the book, just like no two people act entirely by a textbook. This is most definitely the case when it comes to each and every guy, and their actions within a relationship.

The important thing to do is to take a look at your current relationship and evaluate for yourself. Instances of hot and cold happen from time to time – relationships usually have an ebb and flow to them, especially as they become a month or two old. If there is a consistent hot and cold limbo to your relationship after an initial period, you may want to tackle it head on and see where the two of you stand.

Once you have a better idea of why he might be going hot and cold on you, you’ll have a better chance at ironing out the problems and making your way towards a stronger relationship.