Why It Is Important For Men To Feel Successful In Their Current State of Relationship With You - How To Win a Man's Heart

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May 9, 2015

Why It Is Important For Men To Feel Successful In Their Current State of Relationship With You

In this clip, Alisa Goodwin explains why men are sometimes reluctant to commit if they are feeling like a failure.

Like most humans, men are repelled by criticism, negativity and whining from their women. So, if you want a greater degree of commitment from your partner you need to lead him to that place where he feels safe to provide it. It may sound like manipulation at first, but it’s important with human interaction to learn to communicate successfully and effectively. This is done by learning to provide positive feedback even when there is room for improvement. Everybody wants to be good at something. Your partner is no different.

A Word About You

When you want more from a relationship, you may be inclined to pout, whine or demand more from your partner. Know that these behaviors signal to your man that he is failing you. That sense of failure makes it unlikely that he will hazard further commitment to you. When you communicate failure to him, he will withdraw. When you give him positive feedback, he will follow your lead. (It’s like a child’s game of “you’re getting warmer”….)

Instead of telling him what he does wrong, tell him what he does right. If you feel happiest when he includes you in his activities with friends, tell him so. If you want him to stop taking you to baseball games and include more movies in your activities, tell him not that you hate baseball, but that you love it when he takes you to movies. In other words, put a positive spin on your messaging.

What is His Hot Button?

Men, like the rest of us, are dreadfully insecure when it comes to their interactions with others. They are, quite often, as unsure of themselves as teenage boys. He aims to please you, but if you don’t paint a picture for him of what success looks like, he won’t know how to make you happy. As a consequence, he will not venture far from where he is right now. He’s only protecting himself from the devastating emotional harm that comes from failure.

If you want him to open up to you in significant ways, you need to give him more positive signals than negative ones. Practice framing your conversations with him around how happy he makes you when he (insert happiness producing activity here.) He will be happy you took the time to guide him.

To know more about Alisa, visit her website www.itsyourtechnique.com.

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