Why It's Important To Set Clear Boundaries In a Relationship - How To Win a Man's Heart

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May 9, 2015

Why It’s Important To Set Clear Boundaries In a Relationship

In this interview, Daylle Deanna Schwartz talks about why creating boundaries early in a relationship is critical.

Setting boundaries needs to be part of the foundational establishment of your relationship. Each of us has a set of values and important ethical considerations that live at the very basements of our souls. These values do not change or alter for any reason, not for money and certainly not for love. Since they won’t change – and, by the way, neither will those that belong to your partner – it’s best to get them on the table early in the relationship. To do otherwise can lead to a lot of wasted time and emotion.

I’ll Get Used to His (Fill in the Blank)

When the person with whom you want to have a relationship has a behavior that you hate, from cigarette smoking to telling lies, don’t imagine that you’ll learn to live with it. If it goes against your core beliefs, you won’t get used to it. That behavior will continue to grate on you for as long as it continues. If it happens to be something he or she is committed to, it won’t change. If you hate it, hate it right out loud.

Don’t wait until this individual is completely hooked on you to break the news that you cannot stand the way he insists upon going to Church three times each week. Come clean early in your relationship. That way, if he can’t live with your dislike of his church attendance, he can find somebody more closely attuned to his own religious culture.

Establishing the Rules of the Game

When you enter a chess tournament, you understand the rules at the beginning. If hard and fast rules are not established at the outset of a relationship, there can be lots of hurt feelings and unhappy results. You may decide to find ways to allow for your partner’s cigarette smoking. You don’t have to like it, but he will do it regardless of your opinion unless and until he decides to change the behavior. There is nothing wrong with establishing smoking rules, though. Maybe he’ll agree to smoke outside. Maybe while he’s at Church on Sunday and Wednesday evenings, you’ll use the time to read.

If you care for your partner, you may have to make concessions. There is room for compromise. There is simply no room to demand and expect changes that violate core values.

To know more about Daylle, visit her website www.daylle.com.

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