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July 8, 2015

Why Nice Women Fall For Bad Boys

It often seems like women fall for bad boys – even if they are perfectly nice or seemingly clever women. Nice guys are flabbergasted as to why women tend to be attracted to bad boys – despite saying that they want a “good guy” – but in all honesty, most women will have no clue as to why they’re attracted to men that don’t treat them in the way that they’d like to be treated.

Bad boys come in all shapes and sizes. Some bad boys are properly bad – they engage in drug use, alcohol abuse and they might regularly get arrested for violent acts or misconduct. Then there’s the milder bad boy – he likes to break the rules, just because he can. This bad boy might drive too fast and actively seek out danger. Other bad boys have a bad boy persona – simply so that they can fit in with their peer group. But why are some boys bad? And why are nice girls attracted to them?

Personality of a Bad Boy

To understand why some women love a bad boy, we need to understand the personality of a bad boy. Bad boys tend to exhibit a “triad” of “dark behaviors” – narcissism (self-obsession), psychopathy (thrill-seeking, risk-taking, nasty, thoughtless behavior), and Machiavellianism (exploitative or manipulative behavior). In broader terms, bad boys tend to favor short term goals in favor of long term goals – meaning that they often want short relationships and look for short term benefits (for example, they’ll buy an expensive watch because they want it and they want it now with no thought as to what could have been done with that money in the long term), they often want to drive fast cars and date fast women and they tend to have little or no empathy for anyone’s feelings other than their own.

It would seem that women would steer clear of these bad boys, but our genetics tell us otherwise.

It’s All Down to Our Genes

Research has shown that men that display this triad of bad behaviors actually have more sexual partners than men who do not display these behaviors. This means that they have more reproductive opportunities than men who aren’t bad boys – so this tells us that women actually are attracted to bad boys. But why? Evolutionary research has shown us that the hunter-gatherers who display the most risk-taking behaviour in terms of bringing home food for their family get the most mating opportunities. Risk-taking is surprisingly indicative of good genes – and this attracts female partners, but only in the short term.  In the long term, women will look for risk-taking behavior and traits of braveness – but they also want their partner to be altruistic, meaning that they want their partner to be kind, caring and affectionate.

I Can Save Him!

Some women are attracted to bad boys simply because they believe that they can change them. Women have an inherent need to fix things – and bad boys are no exception. Often, a nice girl will be attracted to a bad boy and she’ll believe that although the boy is displaying numerous behaviors that indicate that he’s not ready to settle down – he might cheat, he might take drugs, he might regularly stay out all night – she can change him. She’ll be “the one” to finally change him and make him realize that she’s the one for him. He’ll be just nice enough to keep her coming back.

The Urge for Adventure

Some women actually stick in relationships with bad boys simply because they want to. Some women want a touch of danger and a little adventure in their lives and instead of sticking with a nice guy that treats them well, they embark on a relationship with a bad boy so that they can live on the wild side for a little while. Often, women that end up in a relationship with a bad boy might be doing it so that they can spite their family – for example, if they grew up in a deeply religious family or a family that was incredibly strict, they might well end up with a man that rubbishes rules and that lives life on the edge. These relationships might often start off well in a haze of fun, danger and intense intimacy, but fairly quickly, the nice girl will grow tired with her bad boy and will be thoroughly fed up with the relationship.

To Be With What’s Familiar

A very common psychological theory suggests that a girl will often seek a sexual partner with similar personality traits to her father. This doesn’t mean that she wants sexual intimacy with her father – far from it – but instead, she wants to be with what’s familiar. Perhaps her father was a little bit wild and a little bit rebellious in his youth and so she seeks a relationship with a bad boy so that she can be with someone similar. Subconsciously, she wants to impress her father by bringing home someone that he can recognize himself in.

To Make Up For Her Childhood

Sometimes, a girl will end up in a relationship with a man that is like her father, but not because she wants to be with what’s familiar, but because she wants to make up for certain aspects of her childhood. For example, if her father wasn’t there for her throughout her childhood, she might end up with a man that displays similar personality traits to her father so that the can unconsciously make up for some of that lost time.

How Will A Relationship Between A Nice Girl and A Bad Boy End?

In a word – badly. Research has shown that bad boys do not change, and often, a nice girl will stick with a bad boy in the hope that he’ll change – but instead of changing, eventually, the relationship will fall apart. He might cheat or he might end up in jail or the girl will end up being sick of trying to fix things in their relationship. Sign up for a relationship with a bad boy and it will end – badly.