Why True Commitment in a Relationship is Different Than What You Think - How To Win a Man's Heart

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May 10, 2015

Why True Commitment in a Relationship is Different Than What You Think

In this video, Dr. Pat Love discusses how to become a better partner.

Making Sacrifices

The best partners make sacrifices in order to please the other partner. In other words, if your partner wants you to go backpacking into the wilderness with him, and you absolutely HATE the out-of-doors but you go anyway, he will know that you are doing this for him. There will be no question that you’re committed to his happiness.  If he loathes ‘chick flicks’ but still stays on the couch to watch Sleepless in Seattle with you, you understand that he is giving up something for your sake. These are examples of commitments that are not easy, but are meaningful.

What are the Reasons for the Sacrifice?

One might say, well, if I go backpacking with him, he may go to the opera with me. This may be true. But, you must be careful not to do what you do in order to manipulate his behavior. If you’re keeping score, you might have a deeper problem. Quid pro quo has no place in a relationship. Instead, you should be doing what you’re doing because you want to please him, not in hopes of making him behave in one way or another.

Are There Strings Attached?

Each of us has had the experience of being done a kindness or a favor by somebody only to learn later that there is a string attached. This is not sacrifice nor is it a real gift. Sacrifices and gifts are made and given without expectation of anything in return. Nobody likes to be given something for which we must pay later. There is nothing loving or giving about such a trade. This is the same kind of trade you have with your employer. You give him your time and he trades money for it. That is business and so is a gift that comes with a price tag.

To be the best partner you can be, you must be willing to go out of your own comfort zone in order to provide something your partner wants. A perfect example of this kind of sacrifice can be found in the short story written by O’Henry, in which a newlywed couple each sells something of value in order to buy a Christmas gift for the other. Ironically, he wife sells her long beautiful hair to buy a gold chain for her husband’s treasured pocket watch. He, unknowingly and unselfishly, he sells his pocket watch to buy her a beautiful set of combs for her hair. Sacrifice is necessary to commitment.

To know more about Dr. Pat Love, visit her website www.patlove.com.

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